youre lurking in front of me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
