We won't sleep together?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
