Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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