My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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