Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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