i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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