You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
