Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
