R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
