She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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