put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
