sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
