The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
