i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
