happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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