My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
