if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
