Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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