TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize