You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Don't EVER smell your tampon
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
