It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
