also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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