I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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