nut hugger
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
