So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
