So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize