We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
