In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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