Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
