I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
