No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
