the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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