You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
