dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
