Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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