the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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