and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
