I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
