i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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