Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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