I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
