Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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