i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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