how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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