she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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