so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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