Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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