She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
