Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
