all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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