He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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