I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
