i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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