I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
