We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
