hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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