I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
