You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
