I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you never un-have a 4some
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
