so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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