I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
