Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
