I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
