just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
