I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
