it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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