I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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