Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
