watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
