I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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