Your dad touched me again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
