We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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