In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
