I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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