All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
