I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
