Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
